(2-17-2025)

Hair Goddess saved me

Good Afternoon :> . Sitting on my bed I feel a bit conflicted towards myself. Ive gotten a haircut yesterday and i felt really good about it. They told me theres been chlorine build up in my hair and its all matted while i was getting a trim. So They gave me a shampoo bath and clarifying conditioner. It felt very nice and the woman who cut my hair did a very nice job of it too. I have long curly/wavy hair that goes past my shoulders. Although i love the length, I dont like my curls. I was only going their for a trim. What i didnt expect was the kind lady to straighten out my hair. I knew that she was going to straighten it out to add layers and trim my split ends, but i didnt expect her to blow dry it. So it changed from my usual wavy hair to straight. I never knew i could look this way. and when she said it was done, i stood up and looked in the mirror. And for once, in a long time, i genuinely smiled at my appearance. I didnt like the way i looked before. Everytime i looked in the mirror all i saw was a person who couldnt keep it together. My Hair had problems of tangling, being matted, and dry. But when i stood up, i felt that i was looking at a person who I like. The Nice lady who was cutting my hair gave me a compliment as well :D . When I went home, I tested out a bunch of styles. Now with my hair sleek, smooth, and no longer matted because it was straight, it was easilly untangled and cute. I tried a bunch of ponytails, laugh tails, twintails, buns, and curtain bangs. My favorite one was a high ponytails with side bangs.

Hair Rejection

Sadly, It didnt last forever. As I went to take a shower I realized it wont stay like this forever. And eventually after i dried and brushed my hair. I went back to having a wavy and curly mess on my head again. I asked mom if i could straightened it out again. She said it wouldnt be like me. She liked my curly and wavy hair better than my straight hair. She lightly put down the conversation and advised me not to straighten it. I, for some reason, felt sad. It was just hair but it was apart of me. And for the first time, in a long time, I liked myself. I dont know if I have a mental health condition or if im just sad. Maybe i have a Identity issue. I dont like how i look with wavy hair, and the moment i found something i like about myself im advised not to do it. Going against my mom would cause an argument so I just accepted that i cant do that anymore. Its not abusive or anything its just, i think they dont like the idea of me looking like a girl.